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PrinzessinS4Gott
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Name: Stephanie
Birthday: 11/19/1985
Interests: LE TOUR DE FRANCE, DCI, Shostakovich, Russian history, understanding, Overreaching my limits, tornados, storms, being curious about EVERYTHING, laughing w/o control, acting crazy, long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality, daydreaming, obsessed with libraries, star-gazing, admiring sunrise and sunset, thunderstorms, ancient civilizations, music, art, ceramics, cycling, science, mtain climbing, photography, German, drinking tea, and burning things
Expertise: Nothing at all
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  arcanestephanie
Member Since:
3/8/2003
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Yesterday, God started to move in my heart about matters
concerning my mother. We were singing
the song “Mighty to Save,” and I finally understood in my heart that Christ has
been nailed to the cross for my mom because He loves her that much. He has already washed away all of her
stains. Therefore, I need to get rid of
my selfish hurt and start thinking about “the glory of the risen King.” He has already risen and conquered the
grave. He can do the equivalent mighty
work in my mother. For everyone needs
forgiveness and a kindness of a Savior. I
want to surrender my life and this situation to Jesus so I can show the love
that Christ has demonstrated towards me.
I want to love her deeply “because love cover over a
multitude of sins.” 1 Pet 4:8. It was
God’s love and others demonstrating His love towards me that led me to turn and
surrender to Him. I want that more than
anything else for my mother. I want God
to be glorified and to put my hurt aside because my heart FINALLY feels the
freedom to trust Jesus even though I may hurt deeply. I didn’t notice until about two weeks ago, but
I felt too hurt to even be able to trust in Jesus in this situation. The outcome of this false belief in who God
is was for me to hold back from loving on my mother as Christ loves her and
keeping me in a state of anger with what our relationship has been throughout
the years. The truth is that Jesus is my
solid rock that I stand upon. He is my
security and he will not let the righteous fall. Ps 55:22
I want “my hope [to be] built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and
righteousness.” I want to “not trust the
sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.”
I want my mom to know truth just like others who have been
here at OU have led me to see and know truth in my heart. I want Mom to know what Nancy Edwards told me…how
precious she is to Jesus. He loves her
with an everlasting love, so BASK IN THAT LOVE. (Jer 31:3).
I want her to know that she is God’s child; His beloved
daughter whom He bought with His own blood. I yearn for God to open her
eyes to see how He longs to be gracious to her, and how He rises up to show her
compassion. I want God to grant her His strength through quietness and
trust. To restore her the joy
of His salvation, and sustain her…letting her cast all her anxieties upon Him
because He care for her.
I want God to her with the knowledge of His will, through all spiritual wisdom
and understanding. I pray that in order that she might live a life worthy
of Him, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in her knowledge of Him,
being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that she
may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the One
who has qualified her to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom
of light.
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| Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
Psalm 86:11
Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He
has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter
but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
2 Cor 3:4-6
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| My relationship with my mother was a challenging one. For
reasons that neither she nor I could fathom, she was challenged and felt
threatened. She disliked me from my first cry. She was critical and
impatient, suspicious and harsh with me. There was a lot of tension,
disapproval, and pain I was once told, "it says in the Bible that the
sins of the fathers are visited on the children for seven generations,
and it's damned true." This is what scares me so much. My deepest fear is that I
would continue the chain of emotional and physical abuse. It is my deepest vow not to do so.
Mom rarely lost control and hit me; more
often she raged and harangued at me emotionally. Her disapproval and
criticism of me was so intense that eventually I internalized that
harsh critic's voice. I came to drive myself mercilessly, seeking an
approval from others that I wan't willing to give myself. I have
carried a deep loneliness and sorrow. The confusion and fear from that
important relationship led me to be a chronic worrier, to have a high
need to control whatever I could, and led me in and out of a number of
unfulfilling relationships if I even dared to risk being in any relationship with a person at all--people are not to be trusted and not worth the hurt. Gradually I have come to
understand the source and the antidote for these issues. I've learned
to ask for help and support, and to receive love. I've grown in self-esteem and confidence, learning to be gentle with myself--less judgemental and mean to myself. I'm learning to open up and be more trusting in relationships. I am feeling whole and far more satisfied with myself, and patient with my shortcomings. I'm learning what it means to be in healthy relationships and stop being codependent. I truly hope that one day, I will heal and stop only knowing pain.
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| This is my millionth post for the day. oh my word! 70 degrees outside today! This weather is exactly what I needed. I feel so alive again. I cycled and cycled and cycled today. I miss cycling in Tulsa so much. I'm thinking about telling work too bad so sad...I'm leaving them early. I'm spending next week cycling. I'm so excited about this wonderful weather. Man, I'm going to see Emily soon and she's going to kill me. I've been so giddy and so hyper and happy all day today. I'm sorry. When you've got a heart full of joy, it's hard to keep that all in. I just get crazy excited about everything because life is so wonderful and God is so GOOD! | | |
| Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Cor 4:16-18 I was reading a book today that talked about pain and suffering. He compared it to exercising. When you are sore, you're sore because you have worked your muscles past their ability. God created our souls like this as well. He created the process of growing them and rebuilding them from their fallen, crippled state. Just as we stretch our muscles to make them stronger, God stretches our souls to grow them into something stronger and better. Sometimes he literally "wounds" and "heals" (Is 30:26). It takes away an entire life, identity, and secuirty base built on sand and starts a new foundation based firmly on Christ. Therefore, we consider it pure JOY!, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know tha tthe testing of your faith develops perseeverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. At times, you may feel like you are going to die, and that's exactly what is happening. Put to death old character patterns and be resurrected into a new life; one that is truly the life of God. God is so good and so wonderful!! His unfailing love NEVER ENDS!!!! | | |
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